Cast: Michael Gamble Researcher David Madison Zug, Inquisitor, Spelunker, Smoocher Haley Smith Gara, Seductress, Spelunker, Smoocher Sosh Howell Oog, Advisor, Spelunker, Grinder Luke Haynes Rock Banger, Prisoner, Spelunker, Mess-Around Lisa Blackwell Spelunker, Grinder Joe Steiner Guard #1, Party Pick-Upper Megan Adair Party Pick-Uppee ??? Guard #2 Michael Gamble (in front of a podium) addresses the audience: "Many people are curious about the history of blues dancing, where it comes from, how it developed. So I actually tracked down some of the people involved with the history of Blues and found out about where this dance originated, and Jaya convinced me to spend a few minutes relaying my findings. Most suprising, it turns out that Blues dancing is much older than many of you would expect. So let's start at the beginning. First, the Dawn Of Early Blues Man.." -- caveman skit -- Gara (Haley) sits on stage scrounging for food. Luke is in background banging a rock. Zug (Dave) and Oog (Sosh) enter, grunting, and notice Gara. Zug and Oog sniff Gara and start grunting excitedly. Oog holds up a finger to get their attention, bends down and starts mime rubbing two sticks together. Frustrated, Oog suddenly grunts and points to Luke. Zug and Gara look at Luke surprised and watch him bang two rocks together. Oog pulls out a lighter and lights it then howls with triumph. Gara starts to move closer to Oog. Zug grunts. Gara and Oog watch as Zug's hips start rocking and then swaying. Gara, captivated, moves closer, and the two start doing some primitive Blues dancing. Zug dips Gara and drags her off by her hair. -- end caveman skit -- "Once discovered, blues dancing flourished in the ancient world, peaking in the middles ages. Remnants can still be seen from this era, such as the Stonehenge Blues Bar which was quite popular amongst Druids, and of course, Thursday nights at the Coliseum. But then came Blues darkest days, when it was almost wiped out by the Spanish Blues Inquisition." -- inquisition skit -- The Inquisitor (Dave) sits on his throne with his adviser (Sosh) standing nearby. "Bring in the prisoner!" The Prisoner (Luke) is walked in by two guards (Joe and ??). The Inquisitor accuses, "I understand you've been Blues Dancing?" Prisoner looks around: "Who, me?" Inquisitor: "You, wearing the blues shirt!" The Prisoner babbles, "What, Blues? No, never, not that. I'm not a blues dancer..." Inquisitor: "Put him on the rack!" The two guards turn and mime attach the Prisoner to a rack and start cranking, pulling the Prisoner apart. Prisoner: "You can't make me talk, I won't talk!.." The Inquisitor montions to the guard to stop cranking the rack. "Bring in the Seductress!" The Seductress (Haley) enters from the side and comes up to the Prisoner, writhing Blues like up against him. Prisoner: "Blues? Oh, maybe on Tuesdays, you know, maybe just once in ..." Inquisitor: "Kill him!" The guards drag the prisoner off. -- end inquisition skit -- "It seemed that Blues had come to an end. Fortunately, shortly thereafter, in 1984, a team of spelunkers made an astonishing discovery." -- spelunkers skit -- Five spelunkers (Dave, Haley, Luke, Sosh, Lisa) crawl into a 'cave' and enter a larger room and standup. Dave: "Look, cave paintings!" (points up at a 'painting' on the wall) Sosh and Lisa start trying to mimic the painting: "It looks like they're doing this..." and start pressing their pelvis' together while leaning back. Dave: "No, no, look," (points) "they're clearly demonstrating Core Stretch" Luke: "Aahhhhh" -- end spelunkers skit -- "This group of spelunkers brought their discovery back home and created the first Blues House Party." -- house party skit -- No talking, but a scene of a *cough* 'sexy' house party. Sosh and Lisa are grinding while Joe is macking on some chick, while Dave and Haley are sloppily making out in the corner. -- end house party skit -- "Over the past twenty years, blues has evolved into it's highest form, which will be demonstrated by you, our historical dance recreationists. Everyone please stand up and start dancing!"